“There is only one success–to be able to spend your life in your own way.”~Christopher Morley
“Don’t call it a comeback, I been here for years,”~LL Cool J
As many of my readers know, just over one week ago, I finally put in my resignation at my day job.
For over a year now I’ve dreamed of the day when I would be able to give my notice and focus on my writing. Well, if I’m being honest, I have wanted to be a full-time writer forever it feels like. Or at least since I graduated from college with my degree in journalism.
Even though this is something I have wished, hoped and prayed would happen for about five years, now that it is, I am a bit overwhelmed. Today I had a weird feeling. I got emotional and nostalgic, and I felt a little…fear.
I’m not scared of leaving my day job, I’m not dreading the possibility of having less money, I’m not worried about failing, in my mind I’m already a success by doing exactly what I want.
I have to admit I’m a bit scared of things going too well.
Isn’t that crazy?
I guess I built some things up in my mind and I thought I’d meet more resistance than I have. In fact, for months I have been preparing all the things I would say to nay-sayers about reasons for staying in my day job rather than pursuing my dreams.
Funnily enough, I haven’t had to use my speech. Not once. Everyone has been amazingly supportive and for that I am so thankful. It’s very humbling to know I am blessed with so many great people in my life. I wasn’t expecting everyone to be this happy for me!
I am a believer in signs. Big time. Since I’m being met with such positive reactions and well-wishes, my intuition is telling me this is a sign that my writing is going to really take off and that I am on the right path.
So here is where my irrational fear is coming in. It’s scary to think about success. Getting exactly what I want is a success to me, even if it’s not success in the traditional sense of notoriety, wealth and fame. I honestly don’t care about those things, and they’re not my goals.
While what I am feeling is exciting, and something I’ve prepared for, it’s still emotional and mind-blowing now that it’s actually happening. I guess what I’m feeling is that sense of accomplishment and downright giddiness we often feel when we make it to the top of the mountain after a long, hard climb to the top.
I’m enjoying my view of those valleys below where I have already traveled. And don’t worry I have no intention of rushing off this peak.
I plan on taking in the scenery for quite a while.